Time

It seems to be the thing that i constantly lack. Time and Money are my largest stresses in my life. i'm sure they are the roots of other people's stress as well.

If i could have one wish it would be a difficult choice between never being in need of time or never having need of money.

The one wish that i would desire to ask for is to always have someone who loves me back as much as i love them. But the search for the person that i love and that loves me is proving to be an exciting journey. If i had more time and money i could spend more of it on this exciting search.

UPDATE on my life to date:

its been quite a long time since i've updated this site so here goes. I'm still in grad school. Nearing the end of my 2nd year. My largest production to date is starting to mount. We're hanging the show this week. :D

School is grooling. I often want to die. (not suicide or anything dumb like that) I just want to sleep more or less. The eternal search for naps and food is my quest these days. Only a few more months of this and then i'm off for the summer.

I'll be working at GA Shakes again this year but at the Master Electrician rather than the house electrician. wOOt for steps up! It looks like i'll be rooming again with my good friend KP again. YEA!

A few months of that and i'm back at UT for my last year. Sometimes it feels like its going by REALLY FAST then others it feels like it will NEVER END!!!

Beware you that plan on going to grad school. It's living death. It's worth it though.

Homesick? (facebook repost)

I'm desperately homesick. Thanksgiving can't come soon enough!

Yesterday was my birthday and I had so much fun with my new friends out here in Knoxville. THANK YOU ALL for helping me feel at home in my new home. Today i received my birthday presents from my family. I opened them to find the love and support that i've grown up with. My mom packed me a birthday party. I'm sure she is missing me terribly and wants nothing more than to have me home to celebrate a new year of life with me. She packed party hats, goody bags, cookies, candies, rice crispy treats, balloons and a lot of love. I cant wait to share these things with my friends here.

But in opening the lovingly packed packaged i was overwhelmed by the feeling of loss that i've been suppressing as much as i can over the last couple of months. I want to come home to have a home cooked meal. To smell the familiar smells of Christmas approaching as our house gets turned into a Gingerbread house factory. To hear the pecans falling on the tin roof while the dogs bark at the wind as it whips across the fields and around the house.

I miss these things in my small and lonely one bedroom apartment.

I do however Love my new surroundings at school. The people i'm working with, learning with, and learning from are all wonderful people. They have embraced me as their own and started to nurture my talents, foster new habits, and encourage new growth. I know that i'm in the place that i need to be to successfully become the person i think i'm meant to become.

I know I have grown up a lot in the last 2 months, but in opening that package i was glad to feel that i'm still myself. I still can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I want to come home and hug those that i've longed to hug and laugh with those i've longed to hear laugh. But for now I'll continue to sit here and hold back the tears of happiness, sadness, and exhaustion.

What the Doc said

So some of you know but some of you dont... I've been having some pretty awful shoulder/back trouble on my left side for a couple of months. well really i've always been really really tight back there but recently its gotten really bad. So i went to the doctor. So i've learned a few things...

I have Scoliosis
I have 2 bad shoulder joints
My shoulder blade is not moving properly
All the muscules in my back are extremely sore and tight

So my doc isn't really sure whats the MAIN problem but all these things have aggravated each other and is causing some crazy weirdness. She was highly surprised that i couldn't raise both my arms over my head and put my hands together. SO I've got a prescription for a strong anti-inflammatory and a muscle relaxer. Also i've been referred to some physical therapy. So that's for the next 2 weeks to do. If when i come back for a re-exam after these 2 weeks and there is little improvement then there will be x-rays and possibly an MRI to figure out whats going on.

The hardest thing i have to do though is relax my arms and shoulders. which is CRAZY hard!! thats pretty much where i care ALL my stress. so since my exam i've been realizing how much i just start to scrunch up and i have to drop my shoulders.

Well yea thats pretty much the news. Hopefully it will all start to relax and i'll be able to lift things. (i'm sure the meds will seriously help!)

MixTape

lonely

i am lonely. busy tired stressed = lonely for chill time buddies. it would be AWESOME to have people just hanging around but the only people i know are busy tired and stressed with their own stuff and seem to drift back to their own worlds. man why am i writing this instead of sleeping.

you dumb girl go to bed. it will all be better tomorrow because of sleep. :)

Day in the Life

So i thought you guys might like to hear was its to be a 1st year grad student at UTK.

Typical Tuesday/Thursday (Class Days)
-7:15am -- Wake up, shower, dress
-7:45am -- Breakfast/email check
-8:15/8:30am -- Leave house and drive to school
-8:45am-9:25am -- park... and walk to Grad house
-9:30am-12:20pm --(class) 580 - Design- Tue. Present group projects Thurs. Individual projects
12:20-12:30pm -- Lunch/Walk to Theatre Light Lab (up the Hill mostly)
-12:40-1:55pm -- TA for Fundementals of Lighting Technology and Design
-1:55-2:10pm -- FIND COFFEE!!
-2:10-3:25pm -- (class) Introduction to Graduate Studies
-3:25-3:40pm -- walk back to Grad house (down Hill mostly)
-3:40-4:55pm -- (class) Elements of Design
-5:15pm -- Drive Home
-5:45pm -- Dinner and Relax
-6:45pm-? -- Homework
-? -- Bed

So that's a typical Tue/Thurs in the life of me. Mon, Wed, Fri have been pretty fluid up to now. But i will have CADdrafting Wed/Fri at 2pm and Lab Analysis Fri at 9:30am.

Mon./Wed./Fri. I work in the shop between anything else i have to do.

so yeah that it. it's wild.

Settling in and stuff

Life is starting to organize it's self out. I've got my house mostly set up. There are still a few things I want to get to make it completely functional, like a bench or something for the bedroom and some hangers or something for coats and scarves. Just stuff like that, but I think I need to get the important things out of the way before I spend any more money on things I don't really need. I love my apartment! It's very cute and small. It's just big enough for me and my stuff.

I've been trying to post pictures to Facebook but the wireless internet that I've been grabbing here and there is rather sketchy and if I loose connection for a minute or two then the whole load is messed up and I have to start over. SO look for an update sometime Wednesday evening. I should have internet set up at my apartment by then. :)

*EDIT* I fixed the upload problem so here is the link to pics http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012052&l=e49e5&id=138400536


I've been in meeting for my first design "The Secret Rapture" which opens in October. I've had 3 meetings this week to catch me up and I have a full production meeting tomorrow. My design isn't due for another couple of weeks but I'm trying to catch up with everyone else and get ahead of the schedule they have set for me. I've met a 1st year design student (Mary) and a 4th year undergrad student (Amy) who are working on this project too. I'm really excited about meeting the other grad students. James, the other Lighting Grad, has just moved up and we're trying to get together sometime soon. Things just hasn't worked out yet for us to meet.

Monday is the big day of Meetings. Tuesday I think I start work. Wednesday classes start. Thursday I meet EVERYONE! :) and Grad kicks off with full force!

So right now I'm taking the time to find out where everything is, get everything I think I'll need, get use to living this far away from home and friends, and just be in the now of it all. I've been swimming and reading and watching the Olympics. Mostly I've been taking DEEP Breaths and reminding myself that It will all work out. *work that Larry Zen Mantra*

I've been writing down my thoughts on the different environments I've been in these last few days in the notebook that Heather gave me. I'm writing out what I see, hear, smell, feel, and how it affects my mood and the moods of those around me. Then at night I've been reading over then and seeing if I can recreate the way I felt at that moment. I'm trying to develop a bolder and more descriptive writing style. I don't know if this will actually help or not but it's been fun regardless. I remembered Stuart's idea of if you want to draw better then you have to draw. So I thought if I want to write better then I have to write. We'll see how the experiment turns out. I've been calling them "Contemplations" lol.

Here are the pics of the post!

it's me at the UT stadium. :)




and Kyle's Super Strong Bike that can BUST PAVEMENT!! :D