Why?

why do i randomly miss something that is lost forever? why do i sit here wishing i could have things back the way they were before the things i said, you said, you did, i did? why when i close my eyes at night do i wish i could have you back in my arms... for just one more night? why do i miss you so much? why can't i just say that you were a good part of my life and move on like you did? why when i think about someone else do i feel guilty? why when i close my eyes and imagine my future you're the only one i can imagine kissing and holding me?

it's not that i don't want to think on you fondly. it's not that i still love you or don't love you. it's not that i want things back the way they were.

i just don't want to feel this way anymore. i just want to be able to talk to you like you're my friend. i want to not hate how thing are between us. i want to move on. i don't know how. i don't want to forget. i'm afraid to let go. i fear never falling for someone else.

why did you have to hurt me so badly? why did i have to hurt you back? what am i suppose to learn from all of this?

sleepiness leads to wariness leads to Jenn missing the time she was happiest. come my friend, Sleep, lay next to me and wrap your relaxing, paralyzing arms around me. send me to the other world. my dear Sleep, give me pleasant dreams. wipe away my weariness.

-Made me Smile-